i have been sabotaging myself. i have been ruining my own life.

i have so many fascinating thoughts and good ideas and musing questions and undeniable wants. i have so many words to speak, but minute by minute, day after day, i am quiet. i don't ask my questions and i don't share my stories. i am not outwardly assertive or bold. rather, i allow myself to remain passive. i sit back and watch everything happen around me. i get so caught up in this infuriating desire to sound intelligent or witty or whatever it is people want to be, that i make the foolish decision to remain hushed. i let opportunities and relationships and life fly right past me while i open the floodgate to excuses. i'm an introvert! it's charming! forever a wallflower!


yeah, i'm rolling my eyes too.


in accepting these excuses as unyielding truths, i have paralyzed myself.
i have retreated so far into myself that i feel non-existent.



so here's to trying again. here's to loudness and self-assurance and existence.