it's as though i have to keep experiencing new pain in order to dull the old.


everything hurts.


nothing is right and everything hurts. it hurts to wake up in the morning. it hurts to go to sleep. it hurts to breathe and think and exist.

i'm tired and i'm nostalgic for a peace that never really existed. i'm in grief over what could have been. i reel over lies i've been told and my heart breaks a little more with every beat. 

it's devastating. 

i am devastated.