i've been laying on my bedroom floor for the past twenty-seven minutes reading my drafts out loud. i do this every once in a while, just to make sure i haven't yet thought of any really good ways to finish them. i officially have more unfinished posts than published posts on this little blog of mine. i was hoping that this latest read through would help break the writer's block i've been experiencing. it's a real thing, in case any of you have wondered. i haven't felt like i could write anything worth something for about three months now, and i'm really, really bitter about it. i thought i had this really great thing...this interesting skill, dare i say gift, to share with people. as it turns out, i'm no good at resolutions, especially in the way i write.
i literally have 64 beginnings in the drafts section of blogger. 65 if you count this one, and maybe you should, because who knows if it'll actually get published. they are beautiful beginnings. wonderfully written, thought-provoking, emotion-filled beginnings, and i don't know how to resolve a single one of them. i never know how to write the last sentence as well i wrote the first, and the frustration of that gets so intense that i sometimes consider deleting this entire blog altogether. because what's a person to do with just a bunch of beginnings.
so that's what's happening over here, friends. that's why i've been so quiet.
i'm trying to write endings. i'm trying to find resolutions.
___________________________________________________________________
we pulled off the interstate. restaurant and gas station signs rose up high on their long, skinny poles. they looked like plants on a forest floor, all starving for sunlight, competing for attention. begging the passersby to come save them from bankruptcy. your hand was as far from mine as it could be, as it had been for some time.
___________________________________________________________________
i sat staring at the computer screen, pixels forming words and pictures that i wasn't reading or even really looking at because i was too preoccupied trying to figure out what to do.
i didn't know what to do.
there was work to be done and books to be read and trails to be run, but all i could do was sit and stare at that screen, as though i could will the pixels to tell me what i wanted to hear. to tell me to do it. to tell me to go.
___________________________________________________________________
It was strange, the way emptiness consumed her. Emptiness, the absence of anything at all, filled her up, hiding behind and escaping through every word she spoke. This is what drew me to her...her ability to keep living despite the turmoil her soul wrestled against every day.
___________________________________________________________________
