Things I do and things I don't do.

Things I do:

I am nice to people. I smile at the waiter and I hold the door and I offer when I can. It makes me uncomfortable to be around people who don't do the same. We are all humans and we all deserve the simple courtesy of kindness.

I write. I may not be the best or the most consistent, but I write, and I am madly in love with it.

I live my life in waves. Waves of favorite songs, waves of favorite foods, waves of people I prefer to talk to, waves of contentment and anxiety. I never ride the same wave for too long or only once. It tends to make me a bit inconsistent, which I think drives the people around me a little crazy, but I'm not particularly inclined to do anything about it.

I stare at attractive people, particularly guys, because why not.

I over-celebrate. So what I'll be 22 this year and 22 isn't a "big" birthday? It's my birthday and we are going to celebrate big with cake and dancing and Chipotle. I don't care that it was just a quiz, you got an A, let's go to Chipotle. You actually did your homework today? You're awesome. Let's go to Chipotle.

I forget everything. When I say everything, I mean I even forget what I did yesterday. I think it's because I don't pay enough attention to, well, anything. This fact probably isn't among my top best attributes.

I think about food, all the time.

I daydream, all the time.

I disregard information that is irrelevant. It sounds selfish, but I'd honestly rather spend my time learning about things that I feel will make me a better citizen, a better contributor, a better writer, and a better me.

I have solo dance parties in my living room when no one is home, because why not.

I do a lot of things because why not. Sometimes that's the only explanation you can give.

I say what I need to say. I once told someone I loved them and received no reciprocation. Did it hurt? Yes. Was it worth it? Yes. I refuse to live with the painful regret of keeping quiet.

Things I don't do:

I don't call people that I don't know on the phone. Not the doctor, not the hair dresser, not the maintenance people. No one.

I don't hold onto relationships that bring me down or are otherwise toxic in any way. I have a hard enough time fighting with myself to stay in high spirits, I don't need to fight with others too.

I don't like anything that is too complicated. Yes or no. Do or don't. Stay or leave. I don't like people who overcomplicate simple matters, and if I have to think too hard about what a person's motives are, forget it. It's not that I'm lazy and refuse to expend energy on thinking, it's just that I have better thoughts to expend my energy on.

I don't watch sports. I do not like them. I make no apologies.

I don't take things too seriously. Serious conversations make me uneasy, and if we are having a serious conversation, you can rest assured that I'm thinking only about how to get out of it. I agree that there is a time and place for seriousness, but you won't find me there very often.

I don't refer to myself as a "woman." Speaking of serious things, that word is too serious. I'm a girl, a lady, whatever. But don't call me a woman.

I do not associate myself with people who do not support human rights, nor do I have any respect for these people.

I don't do my laundry for weeks on end. So there's that.

I don't plan, because where's the thrill of knowing exactly what you're going to do and where you're going to be tomorrow, next week, or next year? Please, enlighten me.

I don't like to eat at home. There's something about eating away from home that forces us to really talk to one another. The most brilliant and sincere conversations I've ever had have been away from my kitchen table, and I fully believe they wouldn't have happened had we been eating at home. Sure, eating out costs more money, but isn't it worth it? To get up, get dressed, and be away from the television, be with other people, and talk to one another? I will always believe it is.

because i was thinking of summer

we sat on rooftops and hollered at the top of our lungs
we are alive we are alive we are alive
and I hid a dollar under one of the shingles
because i knew we might need it one day.
we peered down at rivers and lakes,
wisely deciding against a swim.
and that tree, the tallest i'd ever seen,
we climbed its old twisted branches,
scraping knees and forearms on our way to the top.
i loved those summer days with you,
the indiana sun turning our shoulders red
sticky hands from fresh peaches at the market
our ankles tickled by overgrown grass
as we walked and talked and foolishly dreamed.




now i'm out a dollar and a friend or two,
but who cares because
i am alive i am alive i am alive

At some point in life, I learned that people could, and would, break my heart. I was prepared for that, as much as a person can be. 

What I didn't realize, though, was that places could break your heart too. I didn't know that a place could leave you just as broken and empty as a person could, that a place could leave you wanting more and more until it nearly drives you mad.

You're never the same after something like that. People talk about the way others will take little bits of you when they break your heart, but they never mention the way you leave little bits of yourself behind when you leave a place you've fallen in love with. They don't talk about the way you'll be walking down the street on any given day and feel as though you've forgotten something, only to realize that what you thought was forgotten is just a missing piece of yourself that was left behind.

If you're lucky, you'll go back and find those little bits of yourself, among the cobblestone streets and cafes and bakeries. You'll find yourself again in the chill of the air and the richness of the history and the colors and the entire spirit of the city, and even if only for a while, you'll feel whole again.

I was pining away for you before I even knew of you
and now you're mine
but I still pine
because there can never been too much of you