I don't want to grow up.

I graduate in a little over a month, and I can't stop thinking about these things I want. Searching for jobs and places to live has got me feeling defeated and weird and like my youth is slipping away. That's such a stupid way to feel, but I'm graduating from college and all the sudden idonotwanttogrowup.

I don't want to be responsible for any more than getting to class or work or remembering to eat dinner. I don't want to feel pressured to do anything except remember to get to class or work or to eat dinner. I want to stay right here, in this part of my life forever. I don't want a curfew and I want the things I do to forever be acceptable simply because I am the age I am. I want to be allowed to   think  speak  act   irrationally and in any way I see fit. 

I want to be wild and free and life never actually looks like that, but that's still what I want. I want the sun to burn on forever and forever warm my cheeks and legs and bare shoulders. I want to run and laugh and skip and play outside with tall stalks of corn in every direction, as far as I can see. I want blue skies and white clouds that spark a desire for clean cotton sheets and jet puffed marshmallows. I want to fill journals with words spoken by my imagination, and I want my imagination to talk forever. I want ice cream, melted by the humid Indiana air, and I want it twice a day. I want five o'clock in the evening looking over the lake, munching on fresh tortilla chips and garden salsa, chatting with people I love about all of the things we love. I want to chase sunsets and sip carmel iced coffee and really, really feel everything there is to feel. I want late nights and early mornings, bare feet and green grass, an open heart and wide eyes. I want forever to always seem obtainable, to always seem like a real measure of time. I don't want to become afraid, and I want to always have the courage that I do now, the courage not to settle and to say what I feel and to be honest.

This is my youth and I want it forever. I don't want to grow up.